How I got here from there
I questioned from the word go.
I remember feeling the sense of oneness in the den I built in the woods when I was 10 or 11, 2 miles or so from my house. I recall a knowing that God would talk back to me some day at 14 when I walked over St Mary’s bridge in Plympton where I grew up in Devon. When I got pregnant too young I researched the natural way to give birth when I was 19.
I continued to question, to read, to ask people how they did things, so that I could develop my own style.
The time in my life when I raised my 3 children was wonderful for its mothering and empty for the lack of a real relationship with their father. I chose to breastfeed. The first one stopping altogether when I tried to cut down feeds made me reluctant to dictate to the others and they continued for several years. I learned a lot from mothers in the National Childbirth Trust (later becoming a breastfeeding counsellor), the La Leche League and the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers. I learned that my children were wise and had a lot to teach me. I listened. I decided that I would endeavour to be the mother that each of them needed. Needless to say that was different for each and I didn’t always succeed.
I rode my bicycle every day through it all; putting more seats on it until the 3rd one arrived and then I bought a tandem. They got their own bikes too. I didn’t send them to school.
I realised how unhappy I was in my marriage one day when I went to visit my mother in Devon and I laughed 'til I cried. I realised that I hadn’t laughed since the last time I had visited her, and that had been a year previously.
My friend told me about Rebirthing breathwork. I ignored him. I, and then we, went to relate. The counsellor challenged me with “So you are telling me that your love is conditional”. I realised that she was right. My friend told me about Rebirthing again "It’s brutal but it’s quick”. went.
